He Can't Compete
by Unsaid Goodbyes
Summary: She's his everything even if he's her nothing. Drabble.
1. Chapter 1: Jacob

A/N: I suddenly got sympathetic feelings for Jacob. I still root for Bella and Edward to be together, but suddenly I can see his pain.

Summary: She's his everything even if he's her nothing. Drabble.

...

**Title: **He Can't Compete

**Rating: **T

**Authors: **Breathless Tomb

Drabble

**3****rd**** Person's POV**

…

He can't compete with perfection.

No matter how hard he tries, or how much he's willing to give up, Jacob understands that not much can surpass something that _is everything_.

If anything could, it wasn't him.

That doesn't mean he doesn't try though. Every second a thought passes through his mind—a new way to woo the woman he loves. Every minute he can't help but think about her. Every hour he contemplates going over to see her.

But of course, he couldn't do that. He wouldn't even know where to look for her. Her bloodsucker could've whisked her away anywhere.

And still, knowing this, he still tries. No matter what, he'll always try.

Even when she's cold and heartbeat-less and every instinct in him screams to just _destroy her_, he'll still go to her if she wants him.

Because he loves her. Because he loves her enough to rip the skin from his body or abandon his pack or give up everything he's ever loved besides her.

And in that sense, he hates her.

Because she's no more willing to give him _one chance_ than to abandon her vampire boyfriend. She's selfish and impudent and uses him to her whims. And while he'll give her the moon and the stars and everything in between, she won't even give him the time of day.

He hopes that one day, when her leech finally snaps and is about to kill her, he hopes that she finally realizes how much better they could've been. How much she lost in her neglect of him.

And in that same thought, he hopes that never happens. Because as mindlessly greedy as she is, all he wants is for the chocolate haired beauty to be happy and in love. Even if it's not with him.

But that doesn't mean he won't stop trying.

Even though he knows, that one day, this is going to kill him.

Because he can't compete with the very thing she'll never stop loving.

…

A/N: He's quite a sad character, and I've grown not to hate him so much. I think something's wrong with me.

Oh wells.

-Breathless Tomb-


	2. Chapter 2: Edward

A/N: Edward needs his turn to. I'm trying to give life to Stephenie's characters, because I feel like she didn't bestow upon them the right amount of suffering and sadness for their misfortunes and trials. Her characters can be shallow. I want mine to have souls. Continue…

Summary: She's his everything even if he's her nothing. Drabble.

...

**Title: **He Can't Compete

**Rating: **T

**Authors: **Breathless Tomb

Drabble

**3rd Person's POV**

…

He's been alive nearly a hundred years—but perhaps the word _alive_ was subjective. Because he is _not_ alive. And he never will be again. No matter how much Carlisle, or Alice, or even his _Bella_ try to convince him that he does in fact, have a soul, it's a little more complicated than that. It's not quite the simple change that everyone interprets it to be.

This leopard cannot change his spots overnight. These spots remain solidified; trapped eternally in an ice sculpture, cast in the shadows too far away for the sun's warm rays to hit. Things cannot just miraculously change in his sleep, especially considering how nonexistent sleep is to him.

These trials have become much more difficult.

If he'd known love would be this damaging to his immortal health, he would've avoided the whole institution altogether. Had Alice even had the slightest vision of Bella before her impact on Edward's life, he would've escaped her presence long before.

Perhaps things would be different.

He would be miserable—yes, that was true without a doubt—, but he would be in an _ignorant_ misery. It's quite hard to miss the joys of love when there was never love to be felt before.

Of course, it's much too late now. He can't even consider the option now.

But he wishes he could. He wishes he could numb his heart and walk away for good—without even the slightest chance of returning. He wishes he could ignore his and her feelings and do what would make them both…survive these times.

That is an impossibility.

He misses the times before, when he could allow himself to wistfully wish for love, but know it would never be within his reach. He misses the times before, when he would feel the pang in his chest watching Rosalie with Emmett, or Carlisle with Esme.

He misses the times before, when he'd never even imagined the possibility of watching his only love falling in love with _someone else_ besides him.

And she is falling. Falling from the sky, waiting for arms to catch her. His only problem is that he realizes those arms could possibly not belong to him. Those arms could belong to a much different suitor—a man that is, in every way, his complete opposite.

And in sick ways, Edward understands. He understands why Bella might fall for someone besides him. He understands the need humans have for other human interaction—for human affection. Even if _she_ doesn't understand it, he does. Because he's seen it time and time again, in the minds of others. He's seen the realization in the minds of other males and females, as their companion slowly drifts towards another one.

In sick ways, he can't bring himself to blame her. Or to blame _him_. He understands how Jacob could want to be with someone like Bella—because she is the very earth that allows everything to grow. She is the oxygen that fuels every being. She simply is, quite everything. So how could he possibly blame someone who saw her for the goddess that she is?

But this…seeing her affections begin to drift towards the other man, this is reminding him of the reasons why he _knows_ he has no soul. Because, if he had a soul, perhaps he could love her enough so that she didn't need to seek out the affections of another.

It's reminding him; and Rosalie was right—having Bella in his life would only continually hurt him, until he could feel no more.

How can he compete with something that breathes and grows and sleeps and can _love with a soul?_ And can anyone blame him for almost encouraging her, so that she might find happiness, even if he may not?

He misses the times before such decisions played out in his thoughts. He misses the times before he even had to think about this particular competition. Missing things is all he seems to be doing these days.

…

A/N: I like this chapter too, because I think Edward suffers a lot more than Jacob, in retrospect. Yeah sure, Jacob loves Bella and has to see her with Edward, but Edward's been alone for nearly _a hundred years_—a lot more than Jacob's sixteen years—and now has to see his only love falling in love with someone else.

I think that would break me, to feel like after having _no one_ for so long, I could lose the _only one_.

-Breathless Tomb-


End file.
